As we await Conan’s new HBO Max show, I’ve been rewatching all of my favorite Conan remotes. Those clips are a comfort of mine because they show a relaxed and sharp-witted Conan being his hilarious self off the cuff. I wondered how many remote opportunities Conan lost with COVID and it got me thinking of which remotes I wish Conan was doing. Enjoy.

Conan + Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara) go to Bosnia

Catherine O’Hara famously portrayed Moira Rose on Schitt’s Creek and her character filmed a movie in Bosnia. In this remote, Conan and Catherine would visit Sarajevo and Mostar…

I trusted you when my heart was only beginning to blossom. A love that felt like Sunday mornings, hot off the heels of a heat wave.

We were too young for making promises and too old for trusting blindly, but we did both, recklessly.

When the leaves started to change, so did you. Butterflies turned into warning signs — parasites to our love. My intuition chewed a pit into my stomach when I ignored it.

One choice revealed how little you cared for me. I cowered under the weight of the hurt. …

Pic via Pixabay

SEATTLE, WA — As the summer begins to draw to a close, watermelons everywhere are rejoicing that immigrant dad slap season is ending along with it. Summer is usually a joyous season for most, but for these juicy fruits, it’s the season when immigrant dads come out in full force and New Balances on to slap the shit out of their green rotund bodies.

Some have been afraid to speak out but we got an anonymous tip from a local shopper and they let us know that they saw one of these dads come in and slap every single watermelon…

Picture by Kindel Media via Pexels

Back in 2019 Megan Thee Stallion coined the term “Hot Girl Summer” as a way to express turning up with your friends and living your best life, but it appears the phrase does not apply to people with strict immigrant parents.

When Group 1 (those with American parents) was studied in comparison to Group 2 (a group of 1st and 2nd generation kids), results confirmed that Hot Girl Summer is not possible in an immigrant home.

While Group 1 spends 75% of their days donning bikinis and shaking their asses on boats, Group 2 spends an astounding amount of time…

ATLANTA, GA — On Monday afternoon, Safiya and Emir were flipping through channels and discovered Fear Factor. At first, they were intrigued, but the show proved underwhelming for two people who escaped a literal war.

Emir shared, “So, I’m sitting on my couch watching Joe Rogan offer people money to retrieve a key from a snake pit and I’m so confused. I’m thinking, when is the coup gonna start and when do they have to escape their homeland without any of their belongings? Do the snipers come and kill their families after the credits?”

Safiya went on to say that wearing a hijab in the South is scarier than a worm coffin would ever be. The only remaining question they had was is that boring host the same Joe Rogan that bitcoin bros base their whole personality off of?

Hi there, could you please take this piece down? You have plagiarized my original piece called "For the love of immigrant mothers" that I published back in 2019.

Arijana Ramic

Arijana Ramic is a Seattle based standup comedian. You can find her musings on twitter (@arijanaramic) and short videos on the Aisha and Arijana FB page.

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