Member-only story
Being Rich on a Budget
Unless you are a trust fund baby, a former founder of Theranos, or worked for USC admissions, a lifestyle of the rich and the famous might be out of reach. Alas, there is a way for you to be a baller on a budget! Here are some hot tips for living a decadent and bougie lifestyle even the conniving Jay Gatsby would envy!
Use words like alas!
I’ve already done it twice in this article! Exclamatory transitional phrases date back to the 1851 and that’s old money!
Drink everything out of a goblet
And I mean E-V-ER-Y-THING, okay?! Coffee? Gold goblet! NyQuil? Clear goblet! The blood of your enemies? The biggest goblet!
Wear sunglasses indoors
Eye contact is for poor people. Make sure you get them tinted.
Only drink champagne in the club
Drinking bubbly is a power play. It gives off the vibe that your whole life is a celebration, so skip the vodka and pop a bottle!
