Damn it! I Went to One Reggaetón Concert and Now I Have a Neck Tattoo!

¡UNO, DOS, TRES, DALE!

Sorry, I don’t know why, but I can’t start sentences now until I count myself in.

It all started last Friday when I went to a Nicky Jam concert on a whim. The next day I woke up with a neck tattoo of the word “familia” in an aggressively large gothic font.

At first I thought my friends were messing with me but I knew something was up when I went to take out my night guard and it was replaced with a grill and I know they would never do something that nice for me.

I’ve been trying to figure out when I got tatted but all I remember is Nicky Jam serenading a girl onstage and I’m pretty sure I blacked out after he stopped the whole concert to thank God for 17 minutes.

It’s been about a week now and I still can’t get my tinted sunglasses off. Luckily, they protect me from the random pyrotechnics that go off when I enter rooms.

¡CULO!

Sorry, that’s another strange side effect I should mention. I keep involuntarily yelling the word “butt” at everyone, but mostly at women who I keep trying to convince to cheat on their boyfriends with me. My girlfriend isn’t too happy about that or the fact that I can’t stop vocalizing my own name during sex, but at this point it’s a lifestyle.

Things certainly haven’t been suave sailing to say the least, especially since I can only speak at a cool 93 bpm and I want to grind on anything that can walk. All of a sudden, my only hobbies are calling strangers MI GENTE, telling people I’m from Puerto Rico, and exclusively wearing crosses for jewelry.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same, but I’m off to go shave a fun pattern into my fade and then tweet a photo with the caption “pa la cultura”!

¡DALE MAMI DURO!

Arijana Ramic is a Seattle based standup comedian. You can find her musings on twitter (@arijanaramic) and short videos on the Aisha and Arijana FB page.

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