Day 9: The Group Chat

The group chat is our sacred space. For all our secrets, screenshots, and stories shared.

In this chat, we define men by their actions, not by what they say. You are no one until we decide who you are.

We don’t refer to you by your government name until you’ve earned it. You don’t get that respect until you’ve proven you’re worth it. Instead, you’ll get a nickname as a placeholder — our own version of a mnemonic device.

Let the group chat christen each of you with your new name. For now we’ll call you…

D1 because you used to play college ball.

Slender man because actually there is such a thing as too tall.

Hinge Finance Bro because that says it all.

Alien Boy because you worked for NASA.

Daddy Yankee because we danced to Gasolina.

Brooklyn Boy because your address was the only (mildly) interesting thing about you.

Jesus because you refuse to wear shoes that aren’t sandals.

Headboard because you had one and that’s rare.

Butt eyes because, well, that’s what they look like.

Dasani because it was the object used for scale…

Vineyard Vines because you wear boat shoes and come from old money.

Granola because you’re white and you hike.