Four Little Black Dresses for the Funeral Your Crush Will Also Be Attending

Most people meet on dating apps or through mutual friends, but not everyone is so lucky. In this tough dating climate, there are so many lost opportunities to meet the love of your life. You may not believe this, but funerals can be the perfect setting to look your best and prey on sad attendees, like your crush! So, here are four little black dresses to wear to the funeral your crush will also be attending!

Nothing says “I’m so sorry your mom died, but we should totally grab drinks after this!” like this pleather Forever 21 dress! It will hug you in all the right places and even make a weird squeaky noise that will help you garner even more attention!

This dress may be long but it leaves little to the imagination! This Fashion Nova number has a corset to help create an eye-catching waist that is sure to grab your crush’s attention.

This Asos body-con dress is perfect for those of you who scoff at bras. The missing midriff area nearly mirrors the vibe of an open casket, too! Your crush will not be able to look away!

Finally, you cannot go wrong with a sweeping, high slit dress, like this Amazon option. It will give you all the Morticia Adams vibes: death, seduction, and a pale concaved chest! I recommend pairing this with a red lip and a foundation that is two shades too light to help you stay morbid yet lustful.

Now go out there and take advantage of death!

Arijana Ramic is a Seattle based standup comedian. You can find her musings on twitter (@arijanaramic) and short videos on the Aisha and Arijana FB page.

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