Hot off the release of her This Smells Like My Vagina scented candle, Gwyneth Paltrow has announced 8 new scents that her Bougie Parfumée line will include.

1. Vagineé

It’s the vagina scent but French! The base note is an intoxicating rose scent but the after scent has a slight twang of cigarettes. The candle even looks like melting raclette!

2. Clean Dick

Something few people have been so lucky to smell, now Gwen is bringing it to the masses. The fresh, dewy smell will remind you a great deal of 2 in 1 Head and Shoulders.

3. Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Blended and created by a man, this complicated but enticing candle has the soft notes of tears with hints of old books and freshly dyed hair. Burn this when you’d like to drift away into an imaginary realm.

4. This is the Vibe of My Diva Cup

This candle comes in a dark red tone and smells like iron leaving your blood. It’s coppery, almost like you’ve eaten a penny, but has the smell of ripe raspberries to balance it out.

5. Nipple Nibble

This candle is a curious blend of lavender and flesh scents, it’s soft and supple as it hits the nose and you’ll feel like you’re suckling on a teat once again, just as you once did in your years as a bébé.

6. Untouched Bellybutton

A unique blend of musks, spicy cardamom, and sensual white amber, this scent will remind you of the umbilical lifeline you once had to your mother. Fill your home with the raw delight of fermented herring and composted bananas.

7. I Shaved My Bootyhole For This

It’s woodsy, sudsy, and fartsy! When you first smell it, you’ll think you dealt it. This candle channels the energy of texting your ex for closure. Burn it when you’re getting ready for a dick appointment.

8. Always Have A Plan B

This is for lovers of the Orchard Candle from the Goop line, which is described as having an “almost pregnant atmosphere”. This is the sister scent to Orchard and has the addictive and intoxicatingly sexy scent of not having a baby in your womb. (10% of the proceeds go to Planned Parenthood.)

Arijana Ramic is a Seattle based standup comedian. You can find her musings on twitter (@arijanaramic) and short videos on the Aisha and Arijana FB page.

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