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New App Calculates the Risk of Murder of Your Date
Hot off of a Series B round, the new app I DON’T WANT TO DIE, has been growing at an earth-shattering pace. At only two years old, this app is all the rage for women all over the nation because it requires suitors to answer some simple questions that determine the probability that you will get murdered on your date.
Users like Jane Doe have said that the app has saved her a lot of worrying and wondering if she could die at the hands of a dude she just met. When we caught up with her she said, “Before, I was always too paranoid to be the slut I’ve always wanted to be. I never wanted to invite boys to my place because I didn’t want to be murdered inside of the comfort of my own home. This app has given me peace of mind and a safe way to explore my hoe-dom.”
When we caught up with the creator of the app, Georgia Sommers, she said that she’s made it “stupid simple” to figure out if you have a potential murderer on your hands. Every man who signs up for the app is required to answer the following questions in order for the risk calculator to work:
- Do you have a traumatic brain injury or would you say you’re just naturally stupid?
- Have you ever worn, owned, or been interested in a fedora?
- Would you ever ask someone to go hiking on a first date?
