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Day 4: November — March
November —Perhaps my heart wanted you long before my head knew. I’m too old to have to muster up this type of courage but it takes everything in me to speak my feelings for you into existence. Maybe my hesitation set us up to fail but it’s torture being the spark to stoke the flame. Tension broken with a kiss, an ice crack over the surface.
December — I’m still not used to seeing you differently. I can’t believe I ever saw you as just a friend. No one’s ever made me feel this way — I want to dance in the rain. No one sees me the way you do — you laugh at my jokes and indulge in my stories. It might be a trick of the mind but I swear your eyes twinkle when I speak. Maybe we only see the things we want to see.
January — I only want you but my head won’t let the words fall out of my mouth. Something tells me things aren’t right. No head, no heart, it’s in my gut. You don’t like to vent about your days anymore, even that’s become a chore. I used to turn to you with my problems, now I’m looking to other friends for advice about us.
February — Things feel different in the worst way. You say you hate everything around here and I agonize over if that includes me. I wish we could just be friends again but we can’t go back once we’ve crossed that line. I never hated my body more than when I was with you — my only bait to keep us together. Wanting you to want me…
