Rules to being a positive, happy, empowered bish

via @arijanaramic

Today I found a list on my phone that I wrote while I was going through a weird period of transition and shedding a lot of negative things. “I’ve got new rules, I count ’em:”

  1. Don’t online shop. And especially not from China. It will not fit you sweetie.
  2. Don’t tweet unless it’s funny. Don’t share your problems with the world. Very few people genuinely care about your life so just send those people a group chat about your stupid daily struggles.
  3. Find comfort in knowing no one cares about your life. It’s very liberating.
  4. This kind of contradicts #3 but it’s okay to feel raw and vulnerable and to ask for help if you need support. Just understand that social media is not he channel for it 9 times out of 10.
  5. Girl, you do not need to buy another red lipstick. You have 8. That’s 6 too many.
  6. Hug mom and dad everyday.
  7. It’s okay to laugh when you’re sad. It’s okay. And it’s okay to cry when you’re sad. You’ll be okay.
  8. Friends are far and few and not everyone has to like you. In fact it’s a great sign that people who you don’t respect or flow with don’t like you. If they don’t fit then I guess they aren’t the vibe.
  9. People carrying energy is real. And people’s energy affecting you is real too. If you don’t want to go somewhere or want to leave, that’s a good choice for your mental and emotional health. It’s okay to put yourself first in those scenarios. BUT ALSO IF YOU WANNA SHOW UP LIKE A BAD BITCH AND TELL THEM THEY CANT DIM YOUR SHINE DO THAT.
  10. Always have your actions match your words. And if they don’t, own up to it. It will happen because you are changing. If you notice your friends not being who they say they are, it’s okay to call them out and say your piece.
  11. Don’t be friends with people who you don’t know what kind of mood they will be in each time you see them or with people who don’t want to be accountable for their actions.
  12. Also don’t be friends with people who just want to be seen and only have fun if there are cameras or boys around.
  13. Friends who make you feel guilty about them not having a monopoly of your time are not your friends.
  14. Stretch every day
  15. Do something towards your goals every day and work quietly. Your work will speak for itself.
  16. DON’T SPEND MONEY ON FOOD DUMB BITCH. (Still contemplating this one because food might be the best thing to spend money on. Happy belly, happy life.)

Arijana Ramic is a Seattle based standup comedian. You can find her musings on twitter (@arijanaramic) and short videos on the Aisha and Arijana FB page.

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